Morning News 4/27/10

Gee, thanks. California nixes language calling for cure for gayness. I didn't even know I was sick...

Up yours. Sudanese President Bashir to rest of planet: FU!

"I CAN call you "Hef," can't I?" Hugh Hefner saves the Hollywood sign.

Screw you, Mr. Science. Researchers claim that people who eat more chocolate are more depressed.

Thank god my lesbian cats don't eat out. Restaurant refuses service to man with "gay" guide dog.

(Image of gay dog, George Clooney from "Big Gay Al's, Big Gay Boatride." Another tasteful installment from the thoughtful, wise and mature "South Park." A series suitable for people with all sensibilities.)

Morning News 3/23/10

Civility is alive and well: Texas Rep. Neugebauer is kinda sorry he yelled "baby killer" at Rep. Stupak.

The entire state of California is cranky about... everything. 69% consider jobs and the economy to be among the most important issues for the upcoming governor's race.

Finally, space travel for the rest of us. Virgin Galactic conducts test flight of suborbital vehicle capable of carrying six passengers. Now a mere $200,000 per ticket.

Bleckley County High School in Cochran, Georgia will allow gay senior Derrick Martin to take his boyfriend to the prom. Isn't that nice?

I think Jesus is getting a little fat. An art survey study indicates that the depiction of last-supper portion sizes has steadily grown over the last thousand years.

And speaking of Jesus, fat people, and being cranky: Andy Borowitz reports that the teabaggers are mad that Michelle Obama wants to take away their constitutional right to Big Macs. (Hat tip Ryan McShorts)

Borowitz quotes teabagger Carol Foyler: "Rush Limbaugh is definitely with us."

(Image by unknown artist of "The Lard Jesus" from Freethinker.)

Morning News 3/17/10

Happy Homophobe...I mean St. Patrick's day!

Department of understatement. Pope to address abuse in letter. "The pope’s comments on the scandal in Ireland came a day after a top Vatican official acknowledged on Tuesday that, with only 10 people handling such cases, his office might not be adequate for the task."

Ha ha. Family Values Candidate Hiram Monserrate (expelled from the New York senate for slashing his girlfriend's face with a broken bottle) defeated by Jose R. Peralta.

Republicans criticize Democrats: In order to pass health care reform, the Democrats are considering doing what the Republicans have been doing for years. But you see, now that the Democrats are doing it, it is no fair!

SF Chronicle reports statistical dead heat between Gubernatorial candidates Jerry Brown and billionaire, bigot, snotbag Meg Whitman.