We Have a Winner!

Congratulations to glamorous Flaming Fan Barbara who correctly identified the drag queens in the morning news on the 21st.

Yes indeed she has sent The Flaming Chef her street addy so's I can send her a super sensational mystery prize!

Keep your eyes peeled for all sorts of incredible contests.

(Can anyone out there identify the smoking toddler? Where the hell did he come from anyway?)

Kisses to the screaming hordes who love this blog so much that they would commit sepuku en masse if I stopped blogging for even a day!

--The Flaming Chef

Morning News 4/28/10

Got any spare change man? IMF close to working out Greek aid deal worth €120 billion.

Congratulations! Chicago Rep. Deb Mell plans to marry Christin Baker.

Senate Foreign Relations Committee advances bill recognizing gay rights as human rights.

Calls for an Arizona boycott grow as nation reacts to that state's icky new law.

(Public Domain image of Louis Dewis's 1916 painting "The Old Begger" via Wikipedia.)

True Story: Doctor Yummy

           The express bus that runs from my local transit center to Oregon Health Sciences University provided me convenient access to work for many years.

           In the mornings, it ran towards my job, and in the evenings, it carried me home again.  Its winding, cross town route eliminated the necessity to transfer from one bus to another, cutting several cold, wet minutes from my daily travels.

           Another nice aspect of the trip was, unlike a regular city bus, an express bus accumulates a band of regular riders.  This cuts down on the number of mentally unstable, homeless, or drug addicted passengers one might encounter.  Don't get me wrong, I’m not a snob.  I just like to lower the probability that someone will pee or vomit on or near me, first thing in the morning.

Afternoon News 4/27/10

Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma! legislators pass stupid, intrusive abortion law. Why don't you pass a law forcing women to purchase cute little shoes for the fetus while you're at it?

Alice Miller dies at 87. The original book title "The Drama of the Spoiled Little Narcissist," was nixed by editors.

New York's war on salt continues. Won't somebody please think of the children?

(The picture above is of four different kinds of cake I made for my cooking show "The Pleasure of Food." Lemon cake, butter cake with chocolate frosting, chocolate cake with mocha frosting and (up on a pedestal where it belongs) bittersweet chocolate cake with vanilla mousseline butter cream. With special thanks to Filmy Residue Productions.)

In honor of the latest infamous and annoying news about chocolate, here's my recipe for bittersweet chocolate cake. Adapted from "The Joy of Cooking."

Below the fold:

Morning News 4/27/10

Gee, thanks. California nixes language calling for cure for gayness. I didn't even know I was sick...

Up yours. Sudanese President Bashir to rest of planet: FU!

"I CAN call you "Hef," can't I?" Hugh Hefner saves the Hollywood sign.

Screw you, Mr. Science. Researchers claim that people who eat more chocolate are more depressed.

Thank god my lesbian cats don't eat out. Restaurant refuses service to man with "gay" guide dog.

(Image of gay dog, George Clooney from "Big Gay Al's, Big Gay Boatride." Another tasteful installment from the thoughtful, wise and mature "South Park." A series suitable for people with all sensibilities.)

Picture Blog: My Li'l Drawings

Wanna see some delightful drawings by an artist who makes it look easy?  Head on over to Mike Hoefner's My li'l drawings.

With a few quick strokes of the pen, Mike catches everything that matters in a way that always makes me smile.  Are these summer shorts too short?

Can you resist the charms of Nibblz? I cannot.

And we're all waiting on the edge of our seats to catch the latest adventures of Lulu and her beanie:

Good lord people, click on the link and bathe in the lovely doodles.  Put down that newspaper. Ignore that Urgent Email.

He even has pictures of cocktails.

What more do you need?

Morning News 4/26/10

Obama and the DNC crank up the grassroots ahead of the midterms.

It's in the Constitution. You have the right to be a crazy guy with a gun who wants to "talk" to the President.

Steven Hawking is scared of aliens who potentially jeopardize his plans to rule the Universe from beyond the grave.

Next time I'm at the Ritz, I'll explain that white people make me extremely uncomfortable and I'd prefer not to be served by them.

Gay support for Nick Clegg's Lib Dems surges in the UK.

(I think the album is called "Guide Me Lord" from the group "the Joyful Sounds," rather than the other way round. I just thought we all needed some fabulous hair and delicious polyester this morning.)

Make It Stop...

You simply must head over to Retrocrush and have a look at the worst lunchboxes of all time.  What a fun site and a super way to start the day.

Thanks to Princess Sparkle Pony for pointing me toward the glory of Retrocrush.

(Image of Bobby Sherman Lunchbox is entirely the property and responsibility of Retrocrush.)

Can you tell I've been up since 2:30 this morning?

I'm going back to bed now.

Morning News 4/25/10

SPECIAL MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, CAN'T SLEEP EDITION!

I thought it was a great idea. Brits back off on Pope Benedict brand condom suggestion.  Perhaps an American designer can make a special one just for me.  I promise to use it for anal sex, rather than birth control.

Protesters gather to object to hateful new Arizona law that criminalizes brown people.  Mexican President Felipe Calderon explains that the law "represents an obstacle to solving the shared problems of the border region."  You will recall that Gov. Jan Brewer is also a homophobic dimwit.

Mike Huckabee fails to convince Rosie O'Donnell that he's not an asshole.

Morning News 4/24/10

Hard to make that look good.  Feds shut down bank run by family of Illinois Senator Alexi Giannoulias.

Happy Birthday Hubble Telescope!

Arizona makes it a crime to be in the state illegally. 

Reporters forbidden from photographing or recording Sarah Palin, who visited Eugene Oregon last night.

( Hubble photo of the Sombrero Galaxy via NASA and The Astronomy Picture of the Day.)

RE: Something Red From Somewhere

Hello blogosphere.

My post about events that happened a decade ago at the wine shop where I worked bears no relation whatsoever to the current management of Great Wine Buys.

Great Wine Buys is currently owned and operated by the wonderful and charming John and Dawn Kennedy, who had absolutely nothing to do with my post and opinions.  My comments in no way reflect the attitudes of the current owners.

In case you didn't know, my stories are intended to be humorous, and therefore are not to be taken too seriously.

I'll also have to stop holding a gun to people's heads and forcing them to read my blog.

Thanks to all of you for helping me rethink this strategy.


--The Flaming Chef

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!

A recent post over at Joe.My.God got me thinking about a sensational website that always makes me laugh.

Brace yourselves for:

Everything is Terrible!

Where else can you see a 2 1/2 minute version of the 1997 classic film, "Little Bigfoot?"

I didn't even know there was a movie called "Supervan."

Everything is Terrible! proves that a brain-damaged person with a VHS fetish can accomplish miracles.

If you really need to hurl, here's 1 minute & 2 seconds of "Dolphin Wedding."



Totally safe for work, but you will never be able to wash it from your brain.

"Come on girl, it's time!"

Morning News 4/23/10

Horrible, Yuck and Oops. Oil rig sinks in the Gulf of Mexico.  11 missing, terrible mess.

UK Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg continues to be player in upcoming elections.

Well wouldn't you? SEC officials surfin' for porn during financial crisis.  I know I was.

I was hopin' for Moose and fearing it would be Jughead.  "Meet the Hot New Guy!" Archie comics introduces its first gay character.  Apparently, Kevin Keller is just going to "drop by" Riverdale for a short stint. I'm still hoping that Moose can be convinced. Whadya think readers? Is Moose just eating to fill the void?

(Jughead and Moose are the creation of John L. Goldwater and are wholly owned by Archie Comics.)

Local Homophobe Fail

During the first attempt by some Portland citizens to recall our Mayor, one of the signature gatherers felt it necessary to shout, swear and charge at me when I declined to sign his petition.

All I did was explain that I didn't want to help a bunch of homophobes* take down the mayor.

Anyhoo...

They have failed twice in their attempt, so why don't we all just live with the mayor we have until the next election?

Isn't that what elections are for?



* You can want to recall the mayor without being a homophobe, certainly. However, it is implausible to me that Jasun Wurster would have gotten his knickers in the same kind of twist over a hetero mayor. A lot of right wing fundies were just too excited about this recall for me to stomach it.

(Picture of tacky/fabulous peeing boy from... I have no idea where.)

The Sex Quiz!

For fans of tawdriness and connoisseurs of crapulence, The Flaming Chef offers unto you:

The Sex Quiz.

This is for posterity, so try to be honest...

Sex is:

          Unnecessary

          Fun

          Unnecessarily Fun

          What's Sex?

(Photo of normal, heterosexual couple from Awkward Family Photos.)

Morning News 4/22/10

People are mad that a cartoon that prides itself on being offensive, rude and disgusting continues to be offensive, rude and disgusting.

Judge Ann Claire Williams joins Obama's list of potential Supreme Court Nominees.

UK Electoral debate tonight is shaping up to be a real, three way contest.

Jury rules nurse who barred lesbian from her dying partner's bedside, did not violate her rights.

(South Park screenshot via Wikipedia.)

Morning News 4/21/10

Poland sets June 20 election to replace President killed along with almost 100 others in April plane crash.

Florida GOP under Federal investigation over possible credit card abuses.

Bi guys discriminated against by gay softball organization.

Xenophobic asshole proves that he's also a homophobic asshole.

Dorothy Height.  If you haven't already read about the life of this amazing woman, looky here.

The woman who stabbed me the other day gave me a $10 gift certificate to the local French pastry and coffee house. I think that's pretty classy.

("Are you having a wonderful birthday Christina Darling?"  Random picture of drag queens from... I'm not sure where. I just felt the need for drag queens this morning, OK? Seriously, let me know if anyone out there recognizes this picture.)

(Update: 4/23/10. Loyal and glamorous Flaming Chef reader Barbara informs me that this picture is from the superfabulous show "Little Britain." Thanks Barbara. Send me an email with your address to receive your sensational mystery prize!)

True Story: Something Red From Somewhere

Rachel taught me how to be a wino.

            I had been accepted into the yearlong program at Western Culinary Institute some months earlier and my first order of business was to find a job, preferably in the food business.  But first I decided to celebrate by purchasing a case of wine.

            Rachel opened her shop more than a decade earlier after a career in academia.  Her style was like my father’s in that she was charming, opinionated and striking to look at.  Her wild mane of red hair, ruddy complexion and one - eyed stare could be unnerving to the uninitiated.  I recognized a kindred spirit when I stepped into the dimly lit interior of her wine shop.  I had been tracking the same cobweb in my bathroom for years.  Being blind helps, but if you’re not going to dust, you might as well keep the lights down low.

            I liked her instantly.

Morning News 4/20/10

LZ Granderson over at the CNN Opinion page has an excellent post about Obama's recent Hospital visitation ruling and how it leads naturally to a full, immediate repeal of DADT.  Heartfelt and well written.

In related news:

Get Equal members have chained themselves to the White House gates to demand that the President stick to his promise to repeal DADT this year. (Joe.My.God has the latest.)

Supreme Court rules that animal cruelty videos are protected free speech.

Stunning satellite pictures of Iceland's tongue twister volcano over at BBC News.

Glamor maven and all around hot gal Linda Mercury is feeling a bit under the weather today.  Let's all send her cyber hugs, best wishes and chicken soup.  Kisses, sweetie - feel better soon!

(Public domain image of Jean Leon Gerome's 1847 oil painting "Cock Fight" from Wikipedia.)

The Booze Poll

It appears that red, red wine is the clear winner in our booze poll with 85% of our respondents labeling it as their poison of choice. We seem to be just about equally divided on everything else while just shy of a third of us admit that booze makes Baby Jesus cry.

(Image from Faster Louder.com)