Morning News 4/24/10

Hard to make that look good.  Feds shut down bank run by family of Illinois Senator Alexi Giannoulias.

Happy Birthday Hubble Telescope!

Arizona makes it a crime to be in the state illegally. 

Reporters forbidden from photographing or recording Sarah Palin, who visited Eugene Oregon last night.

( Hubble photo of the Sombrero Galaxy via NASA and The Astronomy Picture of the Day.)

RE: Something Red From Somewhere

Hello blogosphere.

My post about events that happened a decade ago at the wine shop where I worked bears no relation whatsoever to the current management of Great Wine Buys.

Great Wine Buys is currently owned and operated by the wonderful and charming John and Dawn Kennedy, who had absolutely nothing to do with my post and opinions.  My comments in no way reflect the attitudes of the current owners.

In case you didn't know, my stories are intended to be humorous, and therefore are not to be taken too seriously.

I'll also have to stop holding a gun to people's heads and forcing them to read my blog.

Thanks to all of you for helping me rethink this strategy.


--The Flaming Chef

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!

A recent post over at Joe.My.God got me thinking about a sensational website that always makes me laugh.

Brace yourselves for:

Everything is Terrible!

Where else can you see a 2 1/2 minute version of the 1997 classic film, "Little Bigfoot?"

I didn't even know there was a movie called "Supervan."

Everything is Terrible! proves that a brain-damaged person with a VHS fetish can accomplish miracles.

If you really need to hurl, here's 1 minute & 2 seconds of "Dolphin Wedding."



Totally safe for work, but you will never be able to wash it from your brain.

"Come on girl, it's time!"

Morning News 4/23/10

Horrible, Yuck and Oops. Oil rig sinks in the Gulf of Mexico.  11 missing, terrible mess.

UK Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg continues to be player in upcoming elections.

Well wouldn't you? SEC officials surfin' for porn during financial crisis.  I know I was.

I was hopin' for Moose and fearing it would be Jughead.  "Meet the Hot New Guy!" Archie comics introduces its first gay character.  Apparently, Kevin Keller is just going to "drop by" Riverdale for a short stint. I'm still hoping that Moose can be convinced. Whadya think readers? Is Moose just eating to fill the void?

(Jughead and Moose are the creation of John L. Goldwater and are wholly owned by Archie Comics.)

Local Homophobe Fail

During the first attempt by some Portland citizens to recall our Mayor, one of the signature gatherers felt it necessary to shout, swear and charge at me when I declined to sign his petition.

All I did was explain that I didn't want to help a bunch of homophobes* take down the mayor.

Anyhoo...

They have failed twice in their attempt, so why don't we all just live with the mayor we have until the next election?

Isn't that what elections are for?



* You can want to recall the mayor without being a homophobe, certainly. However, it is implausible to me that Jasun Wurster would have gotten his knickers in the same kind of twist over a hetero mayor. A lot of right wing fundies were just too excited about this recall for me to stomach it.

(Picture of tacky/fabulous peeing boy from... I have no idea where.)

The Sex Quiz!

For fans of tawdriness and connoisseurs of crapulence, The Flaming Chef offers unto you:

The Sex Quiz.

This is for posterity, so try to be honest...

Sex is:

          Unnecessary

          Fun

          Unnecessarily Fun

          What's Sex?

(Photo of normal, heterosexual couple from Awkward Family Photos.)

Morning News 4/22/10

People are mad that a cartoon that prides itself on being offensive, rude and disgusting continues to be offensive, rude and disgusting.

Judge Ann Claire Williams joins Obama's list of potential Supreme Court Nominees.

UK Electoral debate tonight is shaping up to be a real, three way contest.

Jury rules nurse who barred lesbian from her dying partner's bedside, did not violate her rights.

(South Park screenshot via Wikipedia.)

Morning News 4/21/10

Poland sets June 20 election to replace President killed along with almost 100 others in April plane crash.

Florida GOP under Federal investigation over possible credit card abuses.

Bi guys discriminated against by gay softball organization.

Xenophobic asshole proves that he's also a homophobic asshole.

Dorothy Height.  If you haven't already read about the life of this amazing woman, looky here.

The woman who stabbed me the other day gave me a $10 gift certificate to the local French pastry and coffee house. I think that's pretty classy.

("Are you having a wonderful birthday Christina Darling?"  Random picture of drag queens from... I'm not sure where. I just felt the need for drag queens this morning, OK? Seriously, let me know if anyone out there recognizes this picture.)

(Update: 4/23/10. Loyal and glamorous Flaming Chef reader Barbara informs me that this picture is from the superfabulous show "Little Britain." Thanks Barbara. Send me an email with your address to receive your sensational mystery prize!)

True Story: Something Red From Somewhere

Rachel taught me how to be a wino.

            I had been accepted into the yearlong program at Western Culinary Institute some months earlier and my first order of business was to find a job, preferably in the food business.  But first I decided to celebrate by purchasing a case of wine.

            Rachel opened her shop more than a decade earlier after a career in academia.  Her style was like my father’s in that she was charming, opinionated and striking to look at.  Her wild mane of red hair, ruddy complexion and one - eyed stare could be unnerving to the uninitiated.  I recognized a kindred spirit when I stepped into the dimly lit interior of her wine shop.  I had been tracking the same cobweb in my bathroom for years.  Being blind helps, but if you’re not going to dust, you might as well keep the lights down low.

            I liked her instantly.

Morning News 4/20/10

LZ Granderson over at the CNN Opinion page has an excellent post about Obama's recent Hospital visitation ruling and how it leads naturally to a full, immediate repeal of DADT.  Heartfelt and well written.

In related news:

Get Equal members have chained themselves to the White House gates to demand that the President stick to his promise to repeal DADT this year. (Joe.My.God has the latest.)

Supreme Court rules that animal cruelty videos are protected free speech.

Stunning satellite pictures of Iceland's tongue twister volcano over at BBC News.

Glamor maven and all around hot gal Linda Mercury is feeling a bit under the weather today.  Let's all send her cyber hugs, best wishes and chicken soup.  Kisses, sweetie - feel better soon!

(Public domain image of Jean Leon Gerome's 1847 oil painting "Cock Fight" from Wikipedia.)

The Booze Poll

It appears that red, red wine is the clear winner in our booze poll with 85% of our respondents labeling it as their poison of choice. We seem to be just about equally divided on everything else while just shy of a third of us admit that booze makes Baby Jesus cry.

(Image from Faster Louder.com)